On my birthday, despite no one remembering it at work (well, except angela who already has given me a very nice present *thank you thank you*), i had a good time with him. We had dinner at Al Dente at the Esplanade which offered great views though the service could have been better. I enjoyed the tiramisu tremendously however. I wondered about when my present was going to appear but he kept saying that the dinner was the present. Ha! As if i was only 3 years old. Did he really think i would be fooled to think that my present was a compact swiss army knife he has given me a few days ago? *roll eyes* Actually i half suspected that he was going to "pop the question" and felt more than a little... anticipatory. Eventually, while trying to distract me with the view of the CBD across singapore river, he placed a ring box right infront of me. I didn't know to laugh, to cry or to be anxious. Well, maybe all three things happened. When asked if there was a condition attached to wearing the ring, the sweet boy said "Only if you agree to be my girlfriend forever". So there it is, a little diamond "be-my-girlfriend-forever-love-ring" , now on my third right finger. Afterwards, when asked why didn't he just asked me to marry him, he said he could not be sure if i would reject him. Till now, i am not so sure if i would have said "No" if he did "pop the question". But at least, as i have told him, i can haggle for a bigger ring the next time.

I guess a lot of people have been sort of wondering at my "turn-about" especially with my relationship. At one point, it almost seemed to be "off" when i asked for a 'break' in the beginning of the year to think through my relationship with him. He almost felt that it was the end too. But all i can say is that during the last 2 1/2 months, being more detached from the relationship, i have actually gain better perspective of it. I needed to know if i could spend the rest of my life with this person because at one point, it seemed too impossible because of all the baggages involved. And most of the time, i felt that it was either he was trying very hard to please me or vice versa. I felt drained and confused and very very irritable. In other words, i felt that the relationship was really going to self-detonate at some point. Being constantly together and "working at the problem" (i.e. the root of what had happened between us) only made one of us very tired and the other very insecure. I guess it became hard to tell where one problem start and next problem end. I really needed a time-out. I am thankful that he did give it to me despite his reservations and unhappiness. I know it wasn't easy for him to let go of me a little especially when his instinct was to hold on to me tighter when he sense that i was having problems with us.

In the 2 1/2 months, i have gone out with other friends, talked to them, learned new things, learned more about myself, taking some time off from thinking too much about our problems and just enjoying life, and it has helped me tremendously. I guess i would not have decided on carrying on if i did not have that space to breathe a little. In the span of that time, other friends ran into problems of their own, including one which landed in a similar situation that i was in 2 years ago. After trying to work out their problems, i realized that i am actually over my own baggage. Something i have not really realized while still in the relationship with him because of the intensity which we attempted to "solve" our problem. And when things really became edgy at work, the more i realized that i am more "stable" than i thought i was and calmer. When a friend narrated to me this example, "you can find yourself attracted to a million people for various reasons, but ultimately, the one you will be with for life, is the one you can see yourself going home to every single day", the first person i thought of was him. I truly truly feel like he is the person i can see myself going home to for the rest of my life for many many reasons, one of it being, despite knowing each other for 11 years, dating for almost 6 years and talking everyday, i am never ever bored talking to him. Ever. I don't think i will ever feel quite the same about any other person .

So at this point, i guess i only have one more thing to say...

Mr Wilkie Tan, do you think you can be there for me to go home to every single day for the rest of your life?